


the sun will rise and we will try again

by scullymuldrs



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 14:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullymuldrs/pseuds/scullymuldrs
Summary: The miscarriage happened so fast. One moment she was pregnant and suddenly there was blood, so much blood, and the hospital and a doctor in a clean white coat was telling her she had lost her baby.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My friend Sam sent me a message about Pepper having a miscarriage so this is 100% her fault. Enjoy!

The miscarriage happened so fast. One moment she was pregnant and suddenly there was blood, so much blood, and the hospital and a doctor in a clean white coat was telling her she had lost her baby. Her and Tony’s baby. The receptionist had asked if there was anyone they could call for her and she shook her head. The one person she wanted, more than anything, could never know about this. The only thing worse than telling Tony she was pregnant was telling him that she had been pregnant and she had lost it. It would destroy him. He would find a way to blame himself, as if somehow there was something that he could have done that could have stopped it. This would be her burden to carry, he blamed himself for enough as it was. She was all too familiar with the self hatred he carried around with him.

It wasn’t until a month after her miscarriage that they had worked things out and gotten back together. Tony told her that he was tired of missing her and truth be told, she was tired of missing him. They still had issues, but they were working on them. He talked to her more now. Tony had been the one to suggest the “no hiding how you feel” rule. Which had turned into more of a “no secrets” rule. He told her that he had that he wanted to keep working with the Avengers because for once he was helping people and doing something that mattered, but he didn’t want to lose her again. Pepper told him that she was scared about something happening to him, about losing him forever, that she still remembered how hopeless everything had been when she thought he was dead the first time. But she wasn’t going to stop him from being a hero. Slowly they began to get their rhythm back, their lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed, their date nights, anticipating what the other needed. But the miscarriage remained Pepper’s, weighing heavy on her and wrecking her with guilt. “He’s better off not knowing” Pepper justified it to herself, “He can’t miss what he doesn’t know existed.” She could live with the emotional pain if it spared him.

-

For her birthday, he took her to a private island in the Caribbean. It was just the two of them, no Avengers, no Stark Industries, just them. One night after dinner she was sitting on the beach, wearing a blue sundress, running her toes through the sand. The sky was painted pink and orange as the sun disappeared along the horizon. “This would be a perfect place to take our kids.” The thought popped into her head without her really realizing it and suddenly she couldn’t stop picturing them bringing a little girl here. She had had a feeling that the baby had been a girl, she always thought they’d have a girl first. Not that she wanted a ton of kids, but she always thought at least two, maybe three.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked, coming to sit beside her on the sand, close enough that their thighs touched.

“Yeah,” Pepper responded automatically, leaning against him as his arm came to rest around her shoulders. “Just thinking. I wish we could stay here forever.”

“Me too.” Tony agreed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He could sense something was off, he knew there was something she wasn’t saying for months now. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? The big things and small things.”  
Her guilt crept to the front of her mind, but she pushed it away as best as she could. He didn’t need to suffer because of this as well. “I know. I was just thinking about all the work I’m going to have to catch up on when we get back to reality.”

Tony gave into her, not wanting to ruin their vacation by pushing her. He had to have faith that she’d tell him when she was ready. “Well in that case, how about I help you forget about going home.”

“Sounds perfect.” She grinned as he kissed her, trying to push her guilt to the side and focus on enjoying the feeling of Tony’s body against hers.

-

It’d been six months since the miscarriage and she still hadn’t told him. The pain was lessening, it wasn’t the first thing on her mind every morning. But she’d see a happy family and wonder about all the things that could have been. She would have still been pregnant now, their baby growing inside her. Pepper tried not to dwell on it too much and instead focus her energy on anything else that she could. Tony had noticed how she had thrown herself into her work and she knew he was concerned. But everything was okay, she had him back and they were rebuilding their relationship. That was, until they were watching TV one night. She was pressed up against him on the couch, his arm circled around her, a blanket draped over their legs, and a bowl of popcorn shared between them. Tony had offered to let her choose what to watch but she was too tired to care. Plus, she had a feeling they would end up doing other things and by the way Tony’s hand a slipped under her shirt her intuition was right. It was a normal night, until one the characters on whatever show Tony had chosen mentioned having a miscarriage and Pepper froze, the world around her feeling like it was collapsing.

“Pep, you okay?” Tony asked concerned, moving his hand to her shoulder, immediately feeling the shift of mood.

“Fine, I just, I’ll be right back.” She rushed to explain, shooting up off the couch and heading straight for the bathroom and locking the door behind her. Pepper sunk to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and shaking. She’d been okay lately, as okay as someone could be after losing a baby, but this had caught her off guard. Footsteps approached the bathroom door, followed by a few knocks.

“Honey?” Tony’s voice came through, slightly muffled by the door but the worry in his tone still obvious.

“I’m fine.” Pepper cringed at her voice, knowing that it betrayed her lie and Tony would notice that something was wrong. “Go back to the show, I’ll be out in a moment.”

“Pep you don’t sound fine.” The doorknob rattled. “Can you please let me in?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will the tears to disappear. This should be her burden, he didn’t need it on his shoulders too. “I just need a minute.”

“Okay,” he replied calmly “I’m just going to wait out here until you’re ready. Because we need to talk, we promised we’d do that, that we’d stop hiding feelings from each other.”

She was truly stuck. Pepper felt horrible for not telling him the truth but she knew it would destroy him as much as it had her. “I can’t.”

“Nothing you ever did could make me stop loving you.”

As soon as he said those words she broke, unlocking the door and flinging herself into his arms. He stroked her hair, whispering comforting words as she sobbed, lowering them to the ground and holding her against him until the crying slowed and she could breathe again. Tony continued running his fingers through her hair as she took a deep breath and spoke.

“When we were taking time apart… I found out something. And I was going to tell you, I just hadn’t figured out how. But I didn’t have to because it was over before it even really started.” She could feel the tears burning her eyes again. “I was pregnant. But I… I had a miscarriage.”

Time froze as she watched Tony’s heart break on his face, the realization that they had made a baby and the grief of knowing the baby was gone.

“I know I should have told you about it when we got back together but I didn’t want you to suffer as well.” Her voice broke. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He said, and she shifted to be able to better look into his eyes. “Of course, I wish you had told me, I hate that you had to suffer through this alone. I couldn’t have stopped it but I could have helped you through it.”

“I’m okay now. Tonight, it just caught me off guard.” She insisted. “Maybe not totally okay, but getting there. “They sat there on the floor, Pepper letting Tony absorb it all before she asked the other question that had been floating around in her mind. “Are kids, are they something you want? I know you would have been there if I had carried to term but do you want a family?”

Tony didn’t hesitate to respond. “Yes. I want that for us. You, me, and some kids. Maybe not right now but someday, soon. We’re not getting any younger.”

Pepper gave him a small smile. “Kids? As in more than one?”

“I mean, if you want that. One is okay with me too.”

“No, no, more than one sounds good.” She assured him, shuffling her position to sit in between his legs and rest her head against his chest, fingers intertwining. “I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“That’s okay, nothing has to happen until you’re ready.” He bent down to kiss her neck. “I think we’ll have a girl first.”

She leaned further against his chest, enjoying the warmth and comfort. “Me too.”

“She’ll have your hair and freckles and my eyes and brains.” He told her, imagining their future little girl. “Are you feeling better or do you want me to get the ice cream?”

“The answer is always yes to ice cream.” Pepper informed him, feeling the laughter in his chest against her back.

“You get the ice cream and I’ll put on one of those chick flicks you love.” He helped her to her feet, pecking her on the lips. “Love you, no more secrets?”

“No more secrets.” She agreed. “And Tony? I’ll let you know when I’m ready to start working on those kids.”

“No rush, we can practice lots beforehand.” He responded smirking at her.

And it wouldn’t be too long until their red-headed, brown eyed girl with freckles scattered across her skin would come into their lives.


End file.
